Chrissy Teigen says she lives ‘her whole life so scared’ in heartfelt message

Chrissy Teigen she is becoming honest about her state of mind. On Thursday, the 38-year-old model took to Instagram to share a post that showed her on an obstacle course crossing logs and revealed how her activity made her realize something about herself.

“I crossed this log a few years ago, the last time I came here, when I was struggling mentally,” Teigen wrote, perhaps alluding to your pregnancy loss in 2020 of his son, Jack. “It was incredibly difficult then. My feet felt like they weighed 1,000 pounds each, my body tensed up to the point where I felt like I was in a car accident after falling.”

“I made it then, after about 40 long minutes. And I’m not even afraid of heights! It wasn’t the height. It was fighting the pain in my arms, my neck and, most of all, my feet,” he said. she continued, before sharing why she “was so sure it would be so different” when she tried the course years later.

“Although I still have mental problems, I thought I could make the pain go away by relaxing my body, breathing and just taking in and enjoying what I was doing,” he wrote. “But plot twist!! It was just as difficult. It took a little bit of my time away, but what I love about it is how much it surprises you and how much you learn about yourself.”

Teigen explained that while her “rational mind knows that it would be totally okay to just fall” because she would “be put down gently,” she realized that she is “so terrified of falling back into life that it becomes overwhelmingly debilitating both mentally and physically.” ” It was “a lot” to have to accept, John Legendthe wife wrote.

“I thought that since I’d seen such dark times since I last did this, I wouldn’t be afraid of this damn thing. But I’m still very afraid,” Teigen admitted. “Then I realized that now I live my whole life so scared. I don’t enjoy much outside of my family, my few friends, television and crafts. I feel like a very reduced version of myself. And I know that I am destined to be big. “.

“I’m so afraid of letting them down and I find myself fighting with myself all day in my brain with things that I want to say, things that I want to explain, but I’m so scared,” she continued. “I miss so many parts of me and I hope that one day I can let go of the fear and accept that I will never be perfect for you and that’s okay!”

Until that day comes, Teigen wrote that she will “continue to work on all of this and try to balance my brain with rational thoughts and try to be kind to myself, my body and my mind.”

Legend expressed his support for his wife in the comments, writing simply, “I love you.”

Since baby Jack’s tragic death.Teigen and Legend have welcomed two children into their lives: Esti, 1, and Wren, which will be 1 year old in June. They are also parents of moon8 and Miles, 6.

“Luna and Miles are very competitive with each other, but they love babies. They really like babies.” Teigen told ET of his children last month. “Miles has teamed up with Wren and Luna has teamed up with Esti and now everything is against us.”

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