While the stereotype that long-term couples have a less active sex life is a stereotype, that’s not always the case. So when Reddit user u/rooks-and-queens asked, “For those in long-term relationships with a healthy sex life, what does your partner do to keep the spark alive?”, many couples weighed in with their thoughts and habits. Here are some of their responses:
1.
“This may sound silly or obvious to some, but make sex something that lasts all day. Don’t have sex all day, but you can’t just drop it all of a sudden because you’re horny. Flatter your partner/wife throughout the day, be affectionate, kiss more, hold her while watching TV, and kiss her neck randomly. Foreplay can be gentle and last for hours and hours, and then you’ll get her in the mood for real sex.”
2.
“We play fictional characters, and I don’t just mean sexually. We play them on dates. The drama between the other characters we play and the huge overarching story lines are great. The sex is just one part of it. This way, we get to have first kisses over and over again, we get to experiment with new things in bed because this character has this kink, and we get to act out all kinds of crazy stories. It keeps things fresh. We never fight or argue in the slightest; our sex life is great and our dates are so much fun. We never leave the honeymoon phase, and this year we’ve been together for 12 years.”
—u/LowRexx
3.
“Being willing to try new things and put energy into making them their way – same with me. Honest conversations when you’re going through a rough patch and how to reconnect afterward. A weekend or even a night off without the kids to fuck non-stop is also important.”
4.
“He makes me feel loved, appreciated, and safe. I feel like I’m his partner. I don’t have to do most of the mental load. We often talk about fantasies. We flirt. We still hang out. We have lazy days where we lay naked in bed together and all we do that day is have sex.”
—u/princessbbdee
5.
“Exercise (to improve circulation and self-confidence), plan date nights, and do things to intentionally spice up that area, like joining a ‘panty of the month’ club to keep surprise, fun, and creativity in the mix. We’ve been married for over 30 years, and our sex life has only gotten better.”
6.
“We’ve been together for 12 years. It’s the little things. He kisses me before he leaves for work, even if he thinks I’m asleep (I’m not; I’m just dying for him to kiss me). He blow-dries my hair because I’m scared of the highest temperature on a blow-dryer. It makes me love him. And that’s basically a gateway drug to sex.”
—u/foofymittens
7.
“As a happily married man, I’ve learned that dating never ends. DO THINGS WITH YOUR PARTNER! Even if you have kids, you have to make time for each other to go out, spend nights together just connecting, painting, playing a board game, making dinner together, dancing in the kitchen to your song, going for a walk, having coffee, trying that new restaurant, etc. Sitting at home and watching your favorite show together doesn’t count if you do it every night. Whatever you did to win your partner over in the beginning, keep doing it. This is why it’s important to be yourself in the beginning of the relationship.”
9.
“We have a date every Saturday. Even if we have nowhere to go, we go for a walk. On the date, we are not allowed to talk about money, family or work. This September I will be 24 years with my partner.”
10.
“This sounds unappealing at first, but we have a weekly meeting to discuss logistics (i.e. upcoming agenda, short-term and long-term goals), with a sexual interlude, and then we talk about feelings (which he found difficult before). This is a boring but necessary task that creates stability, anticipated sex, and vulnerability through sharing emotions. I feel like this keeps our love and appreciation alive. Other than that, we go on many dates as we enjoy eating together. He surprises me with flowers. When he travels for work, he calls me to say good night and good morning.”
—u/twodollabillyall
eleven.
“We’ve been in a relationship for 10 years. Communication is more important than anything. My wife feels safe coming to me and telling me that she doesn’t feel connected. I’m not a very physical guy, so she tells me when she feels like she needs physical attention (i.e. hugging, cuddling, kissing). So we come to an agreement and talk about what we can do to fix it. It starts outside of the bedroom. Also, I’m a big believer in enthusiastic consent. I won’t pursue any kind of sexual time if I get pushback. She’s told me that this is incredibly helpful as she doesn’t feel pressured and therefore wants it more. The bedroom should be fun, not a chore.”
12.
“Take vacations without children (if you have them) to adults-only destinations.”
—u/Puppy Dad
13.
“We take breaks. Sometimes a week, sometimes a month, just to build up the mutual lust and then… boom! We’re good for another four months or so. We do it twice a year.”
If you’re in a long-term relationship, tell us how you and your partner keep your sex life alive in the comments below.