With today’s generation, many couples are increasingly moving away from traditional gender roles in marriage. Some women now work full-time and the man is the stay-at-home parent. In other situations, both parents may work full-time and hire help or family members to help out around the house. Or perhaps some women choose to be homemakers but expect their partners to help out with household things at the end of their workday. Nowadays, whatever works for a couple goes!
Personally, I love how empowered and independent my generation of women is, so you can imagine how delighted I was when I came across the TikTok video of Paige Turner (@sheisapaigeturner), a 33-year-old mother and content creator, explaining the things she No do for her husband.
In her video, which has garnered over 5 million views and 22,000 comments, Paige begins with a line that I quietly want framed on my wall: “Small acts of kindness that are mostly housework add up and become work.” She goes on to explain that she doesn’t do housework like doing laundry for her husband — instead, she does his, he does his own laundry, and together they do their kids’ laundry. A similar logic applies to dinnertime: Paige’s husband cooks dinner every night, and she makes breakfast and lunch for them and their kids. NICE!
Paige continues her TikTok listing the other tasks she doesn’t do for her husband. “I don’t make his doctor appointments because guess what? He doesn’t make mine. Would it be nice of me to? Of course. Is it my job? Absolutely not. I want him to be healthy, but he’s a grown man and he can make his own appointments.”
On the other hand, Paige’s idea of small acts of kindness towards her husband includes things like buying him something she thinks he would like or enjoy eating.
Many of the thousands of comments on Paige’s video agreed with her sentiment…
While others disagreed and shared their views on the issue.
Asked why she thinks many couples want to be equals with their partner and abandon stereotypical gender roles, Paige told BuzzFeed: “I think a lot of women have realized that the division of labor is incredibly inequitable. They’re finding that they’re doing more housework and childcare while they’re working and have very little time for themselves.”
“The data shows that men are spending less time on housework and childcare, more time on paid work and hobbies and relaxation. I think for many women this is frustrating and I think the pandemic has exacerbated these issues and brought them to light even more,” Paige continued.
Paige and her husband met in high school, so they didn’t talk about what kind of home each wanted until they were much older. However, if you can, Paige recommends having these difficult conversations before marriage and especially before having children.
If you are someone who doesn’t know how to express your feelings about gender roles or how to break free from them, Paige recommends both individual and couples therapy. “I also found books on this topic very helpful. I’ve read Fair play, This is how your marriage ends, Emotional laborand Fed up“All of these books helped my husband and I communicate better and learn more about how to cope. A lot of this is ingrained in us because of the way we were raised, which makes it incredibly difficult to change,” she added.
Paige’s TikTok page is filled with other videos sharing helpful advice on how to approach marriage, parenting, and gender roles. “My goal is to create content that helps women express what they’re experiencing so they can communicate better with their partners and build happier relationships,” she told BuzzFeed.
For more of Paige’s videos, you can follow her on TikTok here.
What do you think about this topic? I’d love to hear more in the comments below!